The Five Love Languages for Military Families
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The Five Love Languages for Military Families

The Five Love Languages for Military Families

I came across the military edition of “The Five Love Languages” book by Gary Chapman in the lobby of the USO where I started volunteering in 2017. My son had just left for Army boot camp.

I chose to volunteer with the USO, Blue Star Families and other military family organizations. It was my way to take the love I have for my son, who is sacrificing and serving our country, and help others. 

Awareness of the five love languages can help military families better connect with one another. Having your love language met is often described as filling your “love tank.”

Here’s how we can use the love languages in the military context:

Quality time

A military spouse with this love language enjoys spending time with their significant other and creating memories. 

Suggestion during deployments:

When a spouse is deployed and quality time is the main love language, one experiences a feeling of having the “love tank” on empty.

  • Plan Zoom dates, if possible. Create a website together where you upload pictures and create a newsletter of memories for the deployed spouse to feel connected to what is happening at home.

Acts of service

A military spouse or family member with this love language feels happy when people support them with actions, and they enjoy helping others.

Suggestion during deployments:

  • Let them help! As an example, before leaving for deployment, Active Duty military spouses can make sure the cars in the house have their maintenance before they leave as a nice gesture.

Words of affirmation

A military family member with this love language gets happy when they receive a positive word via text, email, the phone or in writing.

Suggestion during deployments:

  • Before deployment, write love notes and tuck them inside various items of clothing or bags when packing for your military spouse.

Physical touch

A military family member with this love language has a need to hug or hold hands and enjoys a nice “good job” pat on the back. However, this love language is challenging when members are deployed or away at training.

Suggestion during deployments:

  • Trace your hand on paper and mail to your spouse so that they can put their hand against it when they miss you.

Receiving gifts

A family member with this love language will experience joy when they are given tokens of appreciation unexpectedly. 

Suggestion during deployments:

  • Military spouses that are leaving can hide little gifts around the house.


Curious what your love language is? Take the free online quiz:


Lori Marie Huertas, a local bilingual family therapist with military family specialization, is sharing a series of articles with readers to explore how the five love languages  — acts of service, quality time, physical touch, gifts and words of affirmation — impact teachers, military families, husbands and wives, the workplace and children.


Read more articles in our digital magazine.


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