Healthy Relationship Boundaries Can Help You Thrive
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Healthy Relationship Boundaries Can Help You Thrive

Healthy Relationship Boundaries Can Help You Thrive

Boundaries are vital in our careers, hobbies, passions and relationships. The American Psychological Association defines boundaries as, “A psychological demarcation that protects the integrity of an individual or group or that helps the person or group set realistic limits on participation in a relationship or activity.”

But why do some people seem to hold their boundaries in place, while others repeatedly fail? To illustrate, I’ll tell you a few stories about myself that weave this all together. 

My top two gifts are also my kryptonite, my downfall. I love to serve people and I love to achieve big things. Both things fill up my cup and make me happy. On the surface, these two gifts are awesome, until I overuse them. Shirzad Chamine, author of the New York Times best-selling book “Positive Intelligence” explains we all have superpowers, but when we overuse our strengths, they become our ‘saboteurs.’ 

These saboteurs are like voices in our head that dissuade us from becoming our best selves. These voices lie to us and give us a momentary feeling of success, but block us from truly thriving. 

One thing my mom taught me was, “Everything in Moderation.” I genuinely like to serve or help people. As a Boy Scouts leader, I loved mentoring the scouts to help them advance to the next level. As I matured, I fell into mentoring others when asked, and now I have certifications in coaching. I love to coach, and the people who I’ve worked with know I’m all in. 

I’m extremely passionate about helping people achieve the outcomes they desire. I love this profession SO much, that I literally could do it 16 hours a day. Another word for hyper-achiever or overachiever could be workaholic. When I over-achieve in one area of my life, there’s a good chance something is suffering in another area.

By stepping back, it was clear that my life was upside down. I had to let go of the idea that saying no to something or saying no to someone was bad. But how? 

It starts with finding what you want and why you want it. I started to understand that by saying no to others, this created space for me to say YES to other things that aligned with my long-term goals. My biggest motivational factor was my marriage — it’s strong, but when I became an overachiever, it became clear that I was sacrificing what I hold most dear. 

Once this was crystal clear, I found it easier to say no to people and or opportunities that conflicted with my vision of a happy marriage. From this vantage point, I erected boundaries. 

When people asked me for help, I began referring them to others. I mentioned my love for coaching, and just last week, one of my mentors reached out with an incredible coaching certification program. The offer was fantastic and I was tempted to say yes, but then I stepped back and remembered my big motivational factor for my vision. If I had said yes to this opportunity, I would have had to say no to my wife. Because I have erected boundaries with my time, it was easier to say no.

If you want to get to a place where you have less stress in your life, where you feel comfortable saying no, then I encourage you to learn more about boundaries, locking in your vision and finding your motivation. A life coach trained in this area can help unlock your vision and help you find your motivational factors. 

Remember, self-care is not selfish, and boundaries can help you thrive. The healthier your boundaries are, the easier it will become to say no and enrich the lives of all the people you love the most. 

Learn More:
Johnny Lascha
Beachside Health & Life Coaching Services

Meet Our Thought Leader:

Owner of Beachside Health & Life Coaching, LLC, Johnny Lascha is a certified life coach and health coach, trained in the Habit Change Coaching Method. His niches include relationships, increasing energy, lowering stress, rebuilding self-esteem, weight loss and reducing the habit of self-sabotage.  He’s also a group facilitator of the Gottman Institute’s ‘Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.'

Johnny Lascha is a mental fitness coach with Positive Intelligence, a certified life coach, a certified health coach and also holds a certificate to facilitate John Gottman’s workshop based on his critically acclaimed book, “Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work.” 

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