Tracy's Wellness Journey: Seeing and Feeling My Way Out of Darkness
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Tracy's Wellness Journey: Seeing and Feeling My Way Out of Darkness

Tracy's Wellness Journey: Seeing and Feeling My Way Out of Darkness

As 2022 ended, I found it hard to quiet my mind. It seemed to be flooded with new goals, aspirations, planning, home renovations, family, friends, and health challenges. 

It honestly was a complete whirlwind that left me feeling broken, out of control and uncertain of my purpose and next steps in life and business. My values, beliefs and boundaries had been challenged like never before. My heart was broken, and it took every fiber in my being to regain my footing and move forward.

Pulling myself out of the darkness felt like a daunting task. I sat in the pain thinking and processing my emotions. For the first time in decades, I wanted to quit. I cried more days than not, my muscles quivered, I was numb. Deep within my soul, though, I knew my work and purpose had not been fulfilled and that gave me hope.

With numerous tools in my belt, I began the healing process of resolving conflict and feeling the feelings I was having. It took some time to break the emotions down and get to the root cause so that pain could be resolved and let go.

What I came to realize is that the stories I had been telling myself since I was a kid needed to change. Specifically, the story surrounding motherhood and family. Once I was able to identify this, I was able to roll up my sleeves and do the work. I had the power to rewrite my story.  

See it, feel it, and believe it! Seeing and feeling wasn’t easy or quick. It took time, but little by little, day by day, action step by action step, I began to see the light.

The tools and action steps that supported my escape from darkness included prayer, listening to worship music and sermons, reading, counseling, journaling, moving my body, fueling my body, hydrating my body, practicing gratitude and acts of service and kindness, and connecting with nature. 

Connecting with nature must be one of the greatest forms of self-care. With our endless inboxes and unrealistic checklists, carving out time and space to be still and sit in our thoughts quietly is a rarity, yet a much-needed necessity. Nature has a unique way of firing up my senses. In the quiet, I have found peace, love, grace, forgiveness, courage, gratitude, and hope.

It is our thoughts that drive our behaviors. It’s important to determine if those thoughts are self-serving or self-sabotaging. In my case, they were most definitely self-sabotaging. Which compounds the feelings by adding in regret, anger, and shame. By recognizing your state of mind and becoming aware of your thoughts, you give yourself the permission and power to change your state of mind to propel you forward.

My imagination and creativity are flowing freely. I feel alive, inspired, and connected to my purpose. The hardest part about life is trying to figure it out.  

Goodbye darkness. Hello January!

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