Learn to Communicate with Growing Kids

Let me take you back to fourth, fifth, and sixth grades. After retiring as a juvenile court judge, my experiment of single-day visits to each grade revealed insights I’m sharing with you in a series for EverythingBrevard. My mission: Find out what motivated youngsters to keep them on the straight and narrow. 

Fourth grade is when kids stop kissing their parents at morning drop-off and dive out of their cars without hesitancy or fear.  

The girls have become noticeably taller than the boys. They have also begun to groom — a skill still unknown to the boys. One girl may have overdone it with makeup and underdone the length of her skirt.   

By mid-day, I recognized that fourth graders have moved beyond emotional absolutes. The world is no longer “yes” or “no.” Good or bad. Happy or sad. They now demonstrate pride, intuition, sulking, sincerity, and intimacy. These are the building blocks and a rehearsal for the dramatics of their teen years.  

It is obvious that parents should not effectively govern this group with the simple yeses or nos of yesteryear. Explanations are needed to obtain compliance. They need options, but more than anything, they need guidance and good examples.  

To parents of fourth graders: Take more time with your discipline. Make sure they understand that your love is not conditional, but there are reasons behind why you expect certain choices on their part. Express your love in creative ways. A mere kiss will not do it. A thoughtful gesture is the language they now understand.   

In fifth grade, I found the students to have a wider range of voice and mannerisms. They are experimenting with finding themselves and looking to others for ideas on how to deal with their ever-expanding world, both around and within themselves. What are these new feelings? Should I smoke? Why do I feel attracted to that boy or girl sitting next to me? I don't have any money; can I steal things from the store?  

To parents of fifth graders: Help them find themselves. Be prepared to offer deeper answers to unasked questions. Otherwise, if you will pardon the simplistic analogy, their lives will be much like a game of Plinko. Their choices will be a series of random bounces down their path of life. 

I came to sixth grade with the same escort as a transfer student. His fragile “new kid” status was palpable. He was scanned and evaluated. His eyes begged for approval. He had no connections but needed them desperately. The teacher allowed us to introduce ourselves. He was from Pennsylvania, and another student familiar with state nicknames, said aloud, “Keystone.” Several others echoed, “Keystone, Keystone.”  He smiled.  

And so he would be Keystone, at least until a new name came along, probably 'Stone.  

To parents of sixth graders: By what subconscious or overt labels do you interact with your children? Lazy? Hyper? Better yet, how are they starting to label themselves? Perhaps you can interject some positive ones into their vocabulary. They will thank you.  

Larry Johnston grew up in Brevard County, where his family lived on a boat during his high school years. He has held a Merchant Marine captain's license and flight instructor and airline transport pilot rating. He retired after 17 years as a circuit judge and now writes and travels throughout the U.S. gathering material with his wife in their motorhome. He can be reached at LarryJohnstonFL@aol.com.