Love Yourself First: A Valentine's Day Guide to Deeper Connections

You’ve probably heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty pitcher,” or the classic, “Put your oxygen mask on first.” While those hold true, there’s one that can truly rock your world: “You can only love another to the level that you love yourself.” As we approach Valentine’s Day, let’s dive into the beautiful art of self-love and uncover how it has the power to deepen your connections with others.

Have you ever felt that gnawing insecurity in your relationship, that fear of your closest person slipping away? I’ve been there. In my fairy tale relationship with my wife, I hit a point where I found myself ensnared in a false narrative of doubt and insecurity. It wasn’t just about physical changes; I was weaving stories about feeling unloved or unwanted. Today, I’m here to share how that pivotal moment became the catalyst for a journey of rediscovery, growth, and transformation — a journey I hope resonates with you and your relationships

In those challenging times, I was caught in a cycle of self-sabotage. Fueled by my fears, I started crafting narratives in my mind that weren’t grounded in reality. I convinced myself that my wife no longer desired me — a belief far from the truth. Instead of building a connection, I distanced myself, subscribing to the destructive notion that she needed to change first, that expressing love or affection was contingent on her actions. This flawed strategy not only widened the gap but also obstructed any chance of understanding each other. 

The pressure I felt not only affected my conversations but also took a toll on my health. Stress in any form is harsh on our physical well-being. It’s the root cause of 90% of illnesses, weakening the immune system, leading to weight problems, and shutting down emotionally. 

It wasn’t until I gained control over my own emotions and traded judgment for curiosity and exploration that I was able to turn the corner. 

I realized that the key to connection and healing wasn’t external; it was an inward journey. I began by shedding the weight of other people’s expectations, societal norms, and well-meaning advice about what my marriage should look like. It was a conscious decision to let go of external judgments and tune into my own compass. By defining my desires, I gained clarity on the path I wanted to forge. 

Loving myself started with what and why. If you are following along, stop here for a minute and ask yourself, “What do I want my relationship to look like in one, five or 20 years?” Getting clear on my true desires became a compass for forging my path.

Prioritizing emotional well-being, I focused on mental fitness through introspection and mindfulness. This helped reduce my stress. Reducing my stress allowed me to think more clearly and from a place of love, as opposed to fear.

Learning to Listen

Communication took center stage as I honed the art of expressing and intentional listening. Instead of waiting for someone to stop talking so I could jump in and respond, I learned how to listen and not form thoughts about responding, but rather felt their words as if I was living them. 

Intentional listening created within me a greater sense of empathy. I believe this was the key. As I grew my empathy for my wife, I increased my empathic circuitry in my brain and body. This allowed me to give myself empathy and reduce the guilt and shame attached to my past behaviors. 

Recognizing the mind-body connection, physical health became a vital aspect. Regular exercise and a balanced diet contributed to a holistic approach.

The transformative shift came with embracing the belief that I am enough. I let go of fears and outdated coping mechanisms, choosing curiosity over fixing. This internal exploration, freeing myself from what others thought I should think, became the foundation for self-love and a renewed connection with myself, and this transferred to a deeper, more intimate connection with my wife.

In conclusion, the journey of self-love is not just a personal endeavor; it’s the key to cultivating deeper connections with others. The more we give to ourselves, the more abundantly we can give to others. As we navigate the intricate dance of relationships, it’s essential to explore the following transformative steps:

• Define your desires
• Prioritize emotional well-being
• Master the art of communication
• Invest in physical health
• Embrace the belief that you are enough

Embark on this transformative journey by discussing these aspects with your life coach, therapist or a trusted confidant. If you need support, I offer four complimentary coaching sessions weekly for readers of EverythingBrevard Magazine. Even just one session can set you on the path toward more love, peace, connection within yourself and your relationships.

Meet Our Thought Leader

Johnny Lascha is dedicated to empowering women who have experienced regret after saying yes, guiding them toward authentic reconnection for a more fulfilling life. As a certified coach, he specializes in minimizing negative self-talk and curbing self-sabotaging behavior. If you or someone you know faces challenges with boundaries and desires enhanced relationships, productivity, and overall well-being, feel free to reach out to Johnny through  BeachsideHealthAndLifeCoaching.net or send him a direct message on Facebook.