How to deal with change
Kristin Woodling
Sometimes we work really hard to make changes in our life. Other times, change inserts itself in our life unexpectedly. This type of change may come with a warning or it may yank the rug right out from under you. Transitions can be overwhelming for some people. Your personality and life experiences influence how well you cope and adjust, but there are some strategies that can be helpful for all of us when faced with change.
Practice relaxation
Anxiety is often heightened for people facing change. This is a direct result of feeling a loss of control over the situation. The uncertainty of the future leads to worrying about worst-case scenarios. The first step in managing the anxiety is to get control of the physical symptoms including increased heart rate, blood pressure, and body temperature, racing thoughts, and shortness of breath. Deep breathing along with other relaxation exercises brings these physical symptoms back to a normal or manageable range.
It is nearly impossible to maintain a level 10 stress when you have a relaxed body. Next time you’re feeling a loss of control related to the changes you are facing, stop and remember you can gain control over your body and start there. Keep in mind, the more you practice relaxation during non-stressful times, the easier it is to relax your body during the stressful moments.
Focus on what you can control
Once your physical symptoms have had an opportunity to calm down, then and only then can you think clearly. You want to shift your thoughts from hyper focusing on what is out of your control to identifying and embracing all the factors that are in your control. For example, if you just lost your job, it can be tempting to get stuck in the how and why you lost your job and the fact that you don’t know when you will get a new job, when you will receive another pay check, or what people will say about you.
Instead you want to make a conscious effort to stop those thoughts and be mindful of the fact that you have choices. You can update your resume, search for new job openings, reach out to your contacts, and set a budget to maintain your bills during this period. Notice the latter empowers you with a sense of control. Making a list of the factors that are in your control is an effective way to keep them at the forefront of your mind and prevent the negative self-talk from taking over. Reading the list out loud is an additional step you can take to further push away the negative self-talk.
Take time to grieve
Another factor that contributes to anxiety (and depression) is grief. With change often comes loss. It takes time to grieve the loss, whether it’s a person, relationship, job, or health status. Letting go of the vision of what you thought the future would look like is an emotional roller coaster.
Grief has five stages that are a normal part of the process: shock and denial, sadness, anger, bargaining, and acceptance. The bargaining stage (in case you were wondering) is when we go through the “what ifs.” For example, “My spouse might still be living if he had gone to the doctor sooner.” These stages of grief are not linear and do not follow a specific time frame.
While it can be a painful process, it is a healthy process that allows you to digest the range of emotions and begin healing. It’s similar to a wound on our body that starts by bleeding, oozing, and scabbing up before it mends itself with new skin. It may leave a scar, but when you get to a place of peace with the past and can be present to enjoy the new opportunities in your life, the scar is no longer impairing you from moving forward.
Change is good
In my 10 years of counseling people going through all types of changes, I have never witnessed a change that did not lead to something positive. If you reflect back over the changes you have experienced in your life, you likely will find this to be true even with the most difficult changes in your lifetime. Maybe it strengthened other relationships in your life, forced you to find more fulfilling work, motivated you to get the support you have been needing, or brought awareness to others. At the time of change, it may be hard to make sense of why this is happening. However, holding on to faith that the change will eventually lead to something positive will allow you to be more open to seeking its purpose.
And finally, choosing to keep a positive attitude despite the feelings of anxiety can be an effective skill. In other words, making the commitment to work through it rather than feeling stuck.
Thinking outside of the box can lead to creative ways to make the most of the situation. Reflect on challenges you have faced in the past and recall the tools and techniques that got you through that period. Embrace the qualities, characteristics, and skills you personally possess that will help you get through this time and allow you to face the change with confidence.
A positive attitude prevents you from withdrawing from others. This is a great time to reach out to friends and family for support. If it feels overwhelming, consider seeking professional counseling for clarity and unbiased guidance. Counseling can shine light on your internal strength you may have lost sight of in the moment.
Change will be a constant part of your life, whether you seek it out or it finds you. Learning to face it with confidence is freeing. It can help you take strides you want to take, have the courage to get out of unhealthy situations, and embrace the many ways in which your life evolves.
“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.”- Anonymous
Kristin Woodling- a licensed mental health counselor and certified marriage and family therapist, is the owner of Pamper Your Mind, LLC in Satellite Beachk. Woodling promotes strong mental health services in her community and teaches counseling at Webster University and Eastern Florida State College. She is a graduate of the 360 Ignite program offered through WeVenture at Florida Institute of Technology and enjoys volunteering as a mentor to help other professionals excel personally and professionally.
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