Heed Warning Signs of Overwhelm, Then Put Yourself First

Photo credit: Tyler Brooks www.FreshTracksHiking.com

According to Mental Health America, empathy burnout is common when individuals spend so much of their emotional strength relating deeply to the problems and stress of others that they forget to care for themselves.

My biggest challenge in life is that I continually prioritize others’ needs and wants before my own personal health and lifestyle wishes. Setting boundaries and saying no has always been a struggle for me even when too much is being asked of me. 

As I reflect on this current season of my life, I’ve come to realize that I’ve always been a people pleaser and played a supportive role to those who I love and care about. Combine that with being an empath whose strength is inclusiveness and you’ve got trouble brewing if you don’t find a healthy balance between family, work, friends, and self-care. 

Many empaths like myself enjoy plenty of space. I call it breathing room or space to ground myself — emotionally, physically and spiritually. Because I tend to take on the problems of others as my own, I often find myself feeling exhausted, drained, and burned out or even dissatisfied with my life. Despite knowing I have so much to be grateful for.

As I’m learning, emotional exhaustion can build up slowly over time. The accumulation of stressful, negative, or challenging events without a break can leave a person feeling emotionally worn out and drained. Several years ago, I recall writing a letter to my younger brother who happened to be incarcerated at that time — he had questioned my level of happiness because I had sent him a photo of myself and it was obvious that I had put on extra weight. He suggested that I either wasn’t happy or I was super happy and didn’t seem to care about myself and just let myself go. 

I was beyond angry, to say the least. Especially coming from someone who had made poor life decisions and wasn’t responsible for anything. I grabbed a pen and paper and began to draft a letter. The list of stressful events was intense, and not anything of my own doing. House flooding, mom dying, hurricanes, roof failure, brother incarcerated, accelerated master’s program, starting a new business, theft of intellectual property — you get the idea. It just kept coming. Somehow, I survived and managed. 

If you can relate to any of this, let me share a few of the warning signs. In both the past and recently, I had feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and overwhelm. I felt detached, numb and emotionally disconnected, and I experienced a loss of interest in activities that I’ve always enjoyed. I felt done, empty, and depleted.

My first step to process these emotions was counseling. I knew this was more than I could handle on my own. It felt like peeling back another layer of the proverbial onion. I needed professional support to sort out my feelings. I think everyone should have a counselor on speed dial. We have lawyers, accountants, bankers, and a variety of medical practitioners that we rely on for check-ups. Why not mental health counselors?

Secondly, in an effort to get out of my own way, I started to move my body again. I had made great progress last year but now feel like I’m starting over. Breathing in the fresh air and connecting with nature seems to ground me, so I started walking. I also use this time to connect with God. I listen to sermons or Christian music — both feed my soul.

Third, I began to imagine life through a different lens. It was time to rewrite the stories I had created in my mind decades ago about family and being a good mom and wife. In my world, I strive for perfection in all that I do, but it’s impossible. You simply cannot please all the people all the time, no matter how hard you try. And at the end of the day, it is my responsibility to take care of myself and do more of the things that make me happy. 

I am enough.