These Actions Keep Romance Alive

Driving home from work, my heart started racing. I was already 20 minutes late to meet my wife for our 19th anniversary when I realized I forgot to buy a card, flowers and chocolates. 

Thank goodness Publix was on my way home and had all three! On anniversaries, we bought each other gifts and enjoyed a romantic dinner, followed by a rom-com or a walk on the beach. A couple of months later for Valentine’s Day, we’d rinse and repeat. Things got routine, predictable, and perhaps a little too comfortable. Sound familiar?

When I ask couples what they want most in their relationship, feeling secure, more intimacy and better communication top the list. Although that perfect gift or grand gesture is appreciated and sometimes needed, what we crave is connection.

It took me 20 years to figure this out. 

For our 20th anniversary, my wife decided it was time for a change. She was specific with her wants and desires. She wanted quality time, with just me and her, without distractions. We spent a week in the mountains, just the two of us in a cabin. We hiked, took in the sights, dined out and we talked.

Here are three things that compliment that perfect gift for your partner.

• Spend time together filled with curiosity. If your partner isn’t responding, stay curious and ask yourself why that might be. Then adjust and try again. John Gottman, author of “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” suggests listening, sharing and being curious about each other’s day for about 15-20 minutes daily.
  
  Action Step: Consider taking the Gottman Love Language Quiz and talk about the results with your partner.
  
  
• Look for ways to show love with small gestures. Researchers at Penn State found that small, non-romantic gestures topped the list of what makes people feel loved.
  
  Action Step: Self-reflect and look at your behaviors through your partner's eyes. What habits are you doing that create distance instead of connection? One I hear often is answering an incoming text while spending time together. 
  
  
• Stay engaged between intimate moments between the sheets. Esther Perel, author of “Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence,” suggests, “Foreplay is not five minutes before the real thing. Foreplay starts at the end of the previous encounter.”
  
  Action Step: A kiss, when you come and go, fosters connection. A text at lunch or offering a foot rub after work goes a long way, too. Make a list of thoughtful gestures.

Be intentional and don’t wait for spontaneity. Replace judgment with curiosity. Self-reflect and put your thoughts into actions. Love is a verb, so remember that your actions speak louder than words.

Owner of Beachside Health & Life Coaching, LLC, Johnny Lascha is a certified life coach and health coach, trained in the Habit Change Coaching Method. His niches include relationships, increasing energy, lowering stress, rebuilding self-esteem, weight loss and reducing the habit of self-sabotage.  He’s also a group facilitator of the Gottman Institute’s ‘Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.' BeachsideHealthAndLifeCoaching.net

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Johnny Lascha (pronounced LaShay)

Beachside Health & Life Coaching Services

321-693-1681
www.beachsidehealthandlifecoaching.net